Constant State of Chaos

Last night I told myself I was going to sleep in, well I guess that equals 6:30-HOORAY (sarcasm). I haven’t posted lately, and to be honest, that’s because I’ve been a little stressed. And, I’m not even sure that stressed is an accurate word to describe how I’ve been feeling, it’s more just living in a constant state of chaos.

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When Ryan and I moved in October to Colorado, I knew it wasn’t my favorite state in the world. To most, the sunshine and mountains draw them in. To me, I like “my mountain” and rain. It’s difficult for me to find the beauty here because it’s very similar to my home. It’s nearly the same if you remove the land locked of Colorado and gave Washington a little more sunshine.

But, when we moved, we moved for my work, and I could feel the Lord bringing us here. I’ve never felt that before, but I really was praying when we moved. I was trusting. And now, I’m here, thinking . . . why did I move again?

I don’t know if it is the need for the comforts of home or the realization that I knew I didn’t like Colorado. I feel like I uprooted our lives for a good job opportunity knowing that I didn’t actual want to be here. But then, I go back to that feeling I had when moving that there was a reason.

I’ve been reading Proverbs lately, and this is a pretty well-known verse, but it just had a different meaning when you truly are needing to trust in the Lord.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

If you don’t know, I’m a really controlling person. I like all the control in my life, so when I fully trusted the Lord in moving here, it was probably a first for me. Now, I’m in a really challenging place because I’m continually having to rely on the Lord to show me why I’m here and what he has in store for me.

And, I realize that this is how life is supposed to be, but giving up that control and submitting to him can be difficult. I believe everyone’s been at this place, needing the Lord to give them guidance and direction. But if we aren’t willing to submit to him, how can we be open to listening to his guidance?

Personally, I think it’s’ a normal struggle. The feeling that your life is in complete chaos and struggling to fully let go and trust the Lord. Just remember, we weren’t meant to do this life thing alone.

– the Helm Household

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